you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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