is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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