I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
