I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
