i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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