Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
