I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
