He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize