i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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