i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
