my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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