dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
