You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
