Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We are two peas in an std pod
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
