I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
