I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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