Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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