Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
