btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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