My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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