Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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