I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
