So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
