Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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