Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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