I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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