to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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