My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
