I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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