This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
