i don't like sucking hair
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Actions speak louder than pants.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
