GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He passed out mid-signature
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
