i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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