He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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