I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
