He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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