I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
