i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize