Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
