16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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