Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
