I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
