I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
