Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
