Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize