did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
