Fine. I'll sleep in my office
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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