dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
