i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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