I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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