i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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