Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
