shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
