i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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