In the future we'll all be gay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
