You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
