OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
