You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize