What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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