I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
