Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
