I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
