I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
