Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
