Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
FUCK WHALES
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