he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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