dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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