just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
