So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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