guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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