Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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